Oddity

Today I saw a man get his head stuck up an elephant's ass. I'M NOT KIDDING. It's not like it was in the alley behind my apartment, it was on TV, but it was THE strangest thing I saw all day. Thankfully.

Not surprisingly, this oddity was a part of some ultra-amazing-freaks-of-nature-don't-do-this-at-home video show on SPIKE. Need I say more? Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-SPIKE; it has some truly watchable programming, like all things UFC. But when I flip the channel over to SPIKE, I sorta feel like I'm living in opposite world—the one free of all thinking and feeling, filled with mega-hot dumb babes holding beer and other man-crap, and chock-full of action scenes from every PSP, Xbox and Wii game on the market.

Shockingly, the thing that disturbed me most about the elephant "shituation" segment was that the narrator guy never once made light of it; he's all serious-as-a-heart-attack while it played over and over. "Look again as the elephant sits on this man's head," he said. Come on, that's all you've got? Dude! This guy's head just got stuck up an elephant's ass! I'm horrified but I completely expected you to make some crude, juvenile, yet ultimately funny comment.

Then when this poor pooper-scooper guy finally got his head out of the elephant's ass he was gagging, spewing and spitting. Yeah, cuz I'm guessing elephant poo tastes like--poo. But all the narrator guy said was, "Once free, the man chokes for air." Well, he's choking on something, but I'm not sure it's air. I thought I was going to hurl just watching. Please narrator guy, I beg you, distract me with some man-humor!

Although the narrator didn't provide the comedic value I thought appropriate for the elephant "assident", it was educational. I learned that an ounce of prevention beats a pound of poo and what goes up must come down.